Seven Cardinal Rules in Life
- sheriosullivan
- Mar 8, 2022
- 5 min read
Updated: Apr 11, 2022
This is my version of this famous list.
I’ve had the “7 Cardinal Rules in Life” on my refrigerator forever. In fact, when the paper gets too gnarly, I print out a new copy to post. This is my version of this famous list (with apologies to Stephen Covey). Now, you don’t have to call this list ‘rules’. You can call them anything you want. Meditations. Suggestions. Advice I Give Myself. Or name them after your pet, “Lizzie’s Tips in Life.” (That's Lizzie!) The order of these tidbits doesn’t matter either. Don’t worry, there’s no test at the end.
1. Smile. We’re still wearing masks, but when you smile we see it in your eyes. When I smile I’m putting positive energy into the world. Even if someone doesn’t smile back, my intention is pure. Positivity attracts positivity. Smiles are free and contagious. One of my favorite songs is by Harry Styles called, “Treat People with Kindness.” That’s my motto, too.
2. What Others Think of You is None of Your Business. This was a hard one for me. When I was growing up, my parents told me, “What will the neighbors think?”, or “What would my boss think?” Of course, the flip side is, what you think of others is none of their business. No one lives inside your brain unless you invite them in. The only opinion I think that matters is what I think of myself. Am I honest. Am I ethical. Generous. Trustworthy. Kind. When you can put down the façade you’ve been wearing and just be who you really are, you will discover your passion in life. My passion is writing; telling stories. I got my first rejection letter when I was eight. It didn’t stop me.
3. Don’t Compare Your Life to Others, and don’t judge their journey. Humans are complicated and complex. There is no way to just look at someone and know what their struggles and triumphs have been or the price they’ve paid. My most excellent friend, Ed Ferrero, sent me a link to a woman’s NDE (near death experience) video. I won’t go into too much detail here (here’s the link: https://youtu.be/XLJ4V7O6KhI). When she was with a spirit she believed to be God and they were reviewing her life, the negative things weren’t shown to her. Instead it was her simple acts of kindness. One example she mentions is when she was in a grocery store check-out line and the young mother in front of her didn’t have enough money to pay her bill, so she paid it for her. I believe our creator doesn’t care about the fancy cars, big houses, or zeroes in our bank account. As Yoko told John Lennon, “Poor boy, when you’re dead, you don’t take nothing with you but your soul.” I believe what’s most important is how we treat each other. Let go of judgments.
4. Make Peace with Your Past. So it doesn’t screw up your present. I really struggled with this one. I carried so much shame, guilt, and blame from my childhood, it affected all my relationships. I’ve been married and divorced four times (4x). Each time I said “I do” I meant it. These were not short-term marriages. I didn’t run off to Las Vegas and get married to a stranger. These relationships all lasted 10+ years. I came to the realization I failed because I had a very bad role model, my father. My parents never gave me hugs or said, “I love you” until I became an adult and said it to them first. I thought my family hated me. Now I know my two brothers love me, and always have. When I finally made peace with my past, when I left it in The Past, I was able to put down what I had carried for so long.
5. It’s alright Not to Know the Answers. They’ll come to you when you least expect it. Worrying to me is a total time-waster. Self-reflection on the other hand gives you an opportunity to learn the answers to your questions. Since my ‘lockdown’ started in March, 2019, (see my essay, How I Survived the Pandemic and Fell in Love with One Direction), I had ample opportunities to meditate. I was able to have epiphanies and insights on many aspects of my life. Meditation provided an understanding of me to me, and it has improved my life. As some of you know, I’ve been diagnosed with Stage IV Kidney Disease with my kidneys functioning at about 20%. At 10% I’ll be in Stage V, End Stage. There is no cure for kidney disease. I’m too old for a transplant. I know what my future looks like, and I know I’m strong enough to face it. Meanwhile, I go with the flow.
6. Time heals almost everything. Give it time. We all suffer tragedies and have struggles in our lives. My life is filled with dead people, people I loved who died way too young. I suppose at my age, that’s to be expected. There’s been betrayals, divorces, and grief in my life. When I was finally on the other side of those losses, when the pain had subsided, I began to experience echoes of the joyful moments I shared with those people. I love Louis Tomlinson and his song, “Don’t let it break your heart.” “Don't you let it kill you, Even when it hurts like hell, Oh, whatever tears you apart, Don't let it break your heart.” Don’t let anything break your heart, your spirit. You’ll be surprised what you can survive.
7. No one is in charge of your happiness, except you. You have to own this idea. No more blaming your parents or your spouse. It’s all on you. For decades, I put my happiness in the hands of others. I thought if I did what they wanted, if I looked the way they wanted, if they were happy, then I’d be happy. I’m here to tell you it doesn’t work that way. I saw a video from, “America’s Got Talent” featuring a young woman named Jane Marczewski, age 30, who went by the stage name, Nightbirde. One of judges asked what she had done over the past year, and she told them she had been battling cancer. Simon Cowell asked if she was okay. She replied, “I have cancer in my lungs, my spine and my liver.” She had a 2% chance of survival. Jane said, “Two percent is something.” And then Jane said something that deeply touched me. She told Simon, “You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.” Wise words from someone so young. Jane lost her battle in February, but because she shared her story, 200 million people saw her bright spirit. (Here is the link to her video: https://youtu.be/CZJvBfoHDk0).
“Happiness is the truth,” as Pharrell Williams sang in his song, “Happy.” Happiness IS the truth. Your happiness is under your control. I find joy every day. Sometimes its as simple as the first sip of coffee in the morning. If you look for joy in your life, you will find it. Treat others with kindness. Have faith in the future. I know I do. Hey, 20% is still something. Remember Jane’s words: you can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.
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